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The Lettuce

Long ago, a meteor crash landed on earth. This meteor imbedded itself the earth and began to grow big and strong from the nourishment of the soil. But this wasn’t enough as roots started expanding from the rock and consuming everything it encountered. The meteor itself broke open and transformed into a giant beautiful flower and terraformed everything in its radius into a luscious and edible, but carnivorous forest. We of course just decided to call her Samantha and put her on the payroll.

Until the three of us found this little death biome for only five loomies (five dollars for you tourists out there), we were concerned about finding a suitable source for vegetables. I mean, we couldn’t just offer bland old salads to our customer base. importing such deadly greens proved to be too expensive and too unreliable for our needs. All our other efforts to make genetically deadly and incredibly nutritious lettuce only ended with subpar results. Most of our previous creations wanted to do their killing through boring way of mind control, and even SINGING of all things. No lack of fisticuff on our watch.

But what luck that there just happened to be a sentient, man-eating plant from space here in Canada of all places. The three of us got quite a work out from all the monsters we had to fight. After a while, we were at a stalemate, the plant had no means of harm us, and we didn’t have any equipment left to finish her off. So we worked out a deal. I can’t go into detail (part of the clause) but it boiled down to good and bad news.

The Bad news is that she would no longer hunt people down outside her little biome and “adjust” to civilized society. The GOOD NEWS however was that the wildlife in her biome could not be tamed, so now Hans and I have our own home grown work out partners for the slow months out of the year. Oh and we also made Samantha our accountant which also turn out to work in our favor surprisingly (even if some of the orders are "fishy" to say the least) Terra didn’t want to do it and the only number crushing Hans and I do are with weights und science